The hardest first step is asking for help

by Victoria B., posted in Addictions, Sobriety and Recovery

 

 

recovery-anonymous
This is an original guest article. To learn more about the writer go check out his Recovery Blog

As the end of this year is approaching, so is my first year of sobriety. I would like to take some time and reflect on my own struggles to ask for help. It has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
My inability to seek help has truly complicated the road to freeing myself from all the hardships that addiction has created in my life. It is quietly ironic and fascinating at the same time that even though I was on the verge of poisoning myself to death, I still didn’t have the guts to be bold and ask for help. The only time I tried to find help was when I was drunk. Unfortunately, I have a hard time opening up. I am a private person, I enjoy being in my head, and I hate to say it but I guess I am a loner. There is nothing better than quiet, well at least for me anyways.
If you are anything like me, asking for help might be one of the hardest things that you will ever do/ or have done in your recovery. Here are some reasons that prevented me from taking that crucial step.

I felt so insane

The title says it all. Addiction made me feel insane. I had completely closed myself off to the point where I was only allowed to do 3 things: go
to work, drink, and watch movies or play video games. I lived this way for years. Same pattern, day after day. It was a miracle if I would even come out from my room into the living room. Alcohol completely blocked all my senses so that even if I did have any human interactions at work, I didn’t feel anything. I was too focused on trying to manage my hangover and hide my
addiction.

sober-goalsOne thing about any addiction is that it is so sneaky. My mind was still set on the moment of the first drink ever, on how good and relaxing it is. I was blind to reality and how my drinking had hijacked all of my psyches. 
Therefore I was so confused about these insane feelings that I had. Now I realize that it was simply the side effects of abusing alcohol. I kept on abusing it to the point where I forgot that hangover is not a normal state.

Stigma is a killer

I was deeply ashamed, to the point where I felt I would rather destroy myself than ask for help. Again, not so bold. What I am currently learning in my sobriety is how to stand up for myself. I used to be a floor mat, mostly because I just didn’t care. Playing the victim is always easier, but not advisable. There are just not enough heroes out there per victim. No doubt that shame is hard to face. I am still facing it. Luckily, recovery can be a personal thing; no one needs to know, but I find it ironic how addiction is seen in our society. As long as you can manage it, you are alright, but as soon as you take the hard step towards ending it, you are automatically seen as weak, immoral and different. How unfortunate! Being sober is the biggest personal edge ever. Using the same method I was able to quit coffee, soda, and energy drinks. I’m almost like, thank you stigma! Once I got over it and stopped caring what others thought about me, I was finally able to start taking charge of my life, finally…

This one is a nightmare for introverted people

Opening up. I still have a very hard time doing that. It was even harder at the beginning when my drinking was at its finest. I had things that I wanted to vocalize for 10+ years but just never had the guts. I can say that taking this risk has helped me to understand myself even better.
Sometimes I just have to ignore all the nervousness and go for it.
 Recovery will make you talk, and people who dedicate themselves to becoming professional addiction counselors are very good at it.

It will be nothing like when my drinking was at its finest. I had things that I wanted to vocalize for 10+ years but just never had the guts. I can say that taking this risk has helped me to understand myself even better.
Sometimes I just have to ignore all the nervousness and go for it.
Recovery will make you talk, and people who dedicate themselves to becoming professional addiction counselors are very good at it. It will be nothing like the awkward conversation with a stranger, I guarantee it!

How about you?

What’s holding you back?

About the author
If you would like to get to know me visit my alcohol recovery blog.

Comment from Victoria b.

I am proud to introduce you to this Blog. I encourage you to check it out. There are so many insightful gems of emotions, displayed in the writing.  I particularly like:

My goals

  1. Staying sober;
  2. Rebuilding my energy back;
  3. Self-development;
  4. Becoming self-employed;
  5. Eventually going back to school and finishing  associates in small business administration (for starters)

19 thoughts on “The hardest first step is asking for help”

  1. Pingback: The hardest first step is asking for help | teippio

    1. This is Victoria.

      I find that the people who are “normal” drinkers don’t even notice if I’m drinking or not. The folks who harass me about being sober, or pressure me to have a drink are normally the problem drinkers.

      I don’t know how old you are but the health and fitness trends are making my sober lifestyle a bit easier. But I’ve been sober for two decades.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Oh, I must have misread the beginning of the post sorry sbout that. Two decades wow that is quite incredible! Yes I agree the one’s who pressure me or act funny around me not drinking are the one’s who drink to excess. Keep well. xx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You were right the first time. The guest blogger (who wishes to maintain his anonymity) just got one year sober. You are too sweet for words. I’m glad to have found your blog. Thanks for stopping by mine.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. This is Victoria.

      I agree – our writer should be so proud of one year. Two things in sobriety that are guaranteed to make me cry happy tears are people with one day and one year.

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      2. Thanks for sharing this very interesting blog post – a year is a real milestone and he deserves congratulations. And congratulations on your own long term sobriety and the help you give other addicts.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate you warm kindness. Reaching out, to people, when things are really bad, is very difficult. However, pain in the foundation of growth. I find that developing the habit of connection can also be hard. When I work positive things into a routine, my life becomes more manageable.

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  6. I never wanted to ask for help. I was fine with what I was doing. I was avoiding something and quite comfortable with the BDSM. I only had problems with excessive usage and spending much money this year. Wonder why.

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  7. I really enjoyed your blog. I can’t truly relate about having to asks for help. God knows I hated to do that! But I had to finally swallow my pride and ask for help. In order for me to go to the next step, I had to brake down and ask for help. It was not easy most of the times because of the fear of rejection. I cried and laugh along this journey I am on, but I can stay I am better than where I was before. Not only am I helping others to reach their recovery goals, but I am being blessed with minds as well.

    Keep doing what your doing Victoria!!

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    1. I lived in denial for a long time. If I asked for help, that would mean I was admitting I had “a part” in my problems. I felt that my life was terrible and I was justified in the way I acted. It funny how wrong I was. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with me.

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      1. I am sorry I am late replying to you. I am glad you enjoyed reading my post. I understand you as well. At times I still want to be in denial, but my actions brings me back to reality. Lolol It’s a Journey and I am learning to take it step by step and day by day. We can do this 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Fantastic blog!! Definitely following this one!

    Asking for help was a biggie for me.
    I eventually came to the realization that I would not ever get recovery right until I started asking for help, that being said though, I did it very begrudgingly and I soon realized that, even though I was asking for help, I did not actually want the help
    A personal struggle for myself was learning to ask for more

    But even more so, actually wanting and seeing the value in asking for this help from anything outside of myself

    Asking for help becomes much easier once I really saw the value in it

    Again, great blog

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